A Start

So it's time to get this party started! I've had this blog created for 4 months now ... and still no posts. So I asked Michael if we could work on our blog for Valentine’s Day. He's good with getting the pictures just right and being diligent tending to the details.

For those of you finding this for the first time ... the previous paragraph did say 'our'. Michael and I have known each other for about two years. Our relationship started into the serious realm shortly after April 30th 2008 when Michael sent me a letter sharing some of his heart and hopes that our time together would increase. Most of you know it takes Zachary LOTS of time to warm to something that involves commitment. After a few cautious months, I finally was feeling maxed out coordinating which place we were meeting at with all the other competing irons I had in the fire. Michael has a beautiful home, so I decided to move a few of my clothes to one of his drawers in September. After that small step worked, I spent November and December transferring small truckloads of my stuff to his house (2 months to get cold feet without too many consequences ;-). And it's been a wild and wonderful ride since!

Some of you will still be reeling from this new found blog that Michael is not a Michelle. Yep, it’s taken me 10 years to sort this out. It has been a mighty intense journey. Being raised Mormon and figuring out that the good Lord wired you to be attracted to the same sex ... tends to stretch every foundational string of purpose that one can possibly bear. I've tried many of the 'going straight' programs ... Evergreen, church counseling, Renew ... and offered many soul racked prayers to God that He would take away this horrible 'sinful' burden. This journey has taken me to the depths of despair, to the edge of death, and to the pinnacles of understanding and peace. I think a mother who lost her son to suicide for being gay sums up the toiling of my journey well: "I know now why God didn't heal [my son]. He didn't heal him ... because there was nothing wrong with him." [Prayers for Bobby] This lesson coupled with Aristotle’s wise observation that “nature does nothing without purpose” is the root from which I now grow.

I'll never forget the day I walked into the Cathedral of Hope and saw hundreds of rejected, scorned, abandoned, broken and tired souls that had been mauled and kicked from their congregations because they had been born with different desires than their other family members and friends. It was as if the Lord had walked me right into one of his parables. These were the broken and lonely and rejected individuals that the Savior invited to his feast when none of the other invitees showed up (Matt 22:1-10). And in that instance, I understood how much God loved all his children and provided a way for them to be nourished by His love … even when those that were tasked and taught to minister to these lowly beggars were shunned from the very house He created for all.

This blog is one of the final steps to merge my 'straight life' and true life together. I love Michael; he brings amazing happiness and connection from places I never knew existed. The time has come for the mysterious life of Zach to be transparent and for all to understand the goodness I have found in the many other souls “blessed” with that damn gay gene.

Cheers to what the future holds … and may God always be the fierce leader of all our journeys.